Overcoming Premature Ejaculation: James’s Journey and Practical Solutions
The first time James had sex, he climaxed almost immediately. His partner’s grimace was interpreted by him as a critique of his “failure.” From that point on, he became quick to ejaculate, convinced that he couldn’t please a woman. It wasn’t until he met someone special that he became determined to address his premature ejaculation.
What is Premature Ejaculation?
Premature ejaculation is defined as reaching climax within one minute of penetration. It is the most common sexual dysfunction, affecting 30% of men across all ages (18-59). The biggest consequence of premature ejaculation is the shame it brings, which often worsens the problem. Fortunately, it is typically the easiest male sexual issue to resolve.
How to Fix Premature Ejaculation
1. It’s Not Just About You
Sex is about pleasure, connection, and intimacy between two people. While men may feel humiliated when they climax too quickly, the real issue is their withdrawal from the sexual moment, often driven by anger, disgust, or shame. This can leave their partner feeling confused or hurt, thinking they did something wrong. The truth is, many women are less concerned about rapid ejaculation than men think. For most women, orgasm doesn’t always come from intercourse alone; they value closeness and their own sexual pleasure. Instead of withdrawing, try saying, “You’re so sexy, I just couldn’t help myself!” and stay engaged until she’s satisfied.
2. Climax Quickly, Then Go Again
One of my favorite interventions for premature ejaculation is to take the pressure off. I encourage couples to agree that he should “go for it” without holding back. Anxiety and erotic stimulation are the two main causes of premature ejaculation. When he’s encouraged to climax quickly, anxiety is reduced. As he gains control and allows himself to enjoy the experience, his confidence grows. Often, a second round of intercourse results in a slower climax.
3. Stimulate the Whole Body
While it’s common for women to need a full-body massage to get in the mood, men with premature ejaculation can benefit from this as well. A full-body massage helps him experience pleasure beyond just his penis. By spreading the sensations throughout his body, he becomes less obsessed with his performance and more focused on overall enjoyment.
4. Sex Therapy
For most cases of premature ejaculation, sex therapy can be highly effective within a relatively short period. Unless complicated by trauma, severe childhood issues, or marital distress, therapy involves guided steps of progressive sexual stimulation, stopping well before climax. With a cooperative and enthusiastic partner, a positive outcome is almost guaranteed. The biggest challenge is often the delay in seeking help, which can complicate relationships and reduce a partner’s willingness to participate in treatment.
5. Medical Interventions
While behavioral techniques are preferred, medical interventions can be helpful in certain situations. Urologists may prescribe low-dose antidepressants of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) type, which can delay orgasm. Topical anesthetics, such as sprays and creams, can also be prescribed to numb the sensation of the penile skin without affecting the partner’s vaginal sensation.
Conclusion: Taking Action Against Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is a challenging issue, but the solution doesn’t have to be complicated—it just requires a willingness to take action. Don’t let it persist; seek help quickly to improve your sexual experience and your relationship.